A Virus Walks into a Bar

This piece was submitted to a Dramatists Guild micro-play contest.

A Virus Walks into a Bar

By Martin H. Levinson

Setting: A bar with two actors seated at least six feet apart from each other

A Coronavirus

Wherever I go people don’t want to get within six feet of me and they say all sorts of nasty things that hurt my feelings. It makes me sick.

A Corona Drinker

But you’re making people sick, that’s why they’re dissing you.

Coronavirus

They should be dissing themselves. I wasn’t the one who created a wild animal market in China that led to a pandemic.

Corona Drinker

That’s true, but did you have to latch on to people in such a virulent way? Couldn’t you have simply stayed in China?

Coronavirus

I could have and I would have if I hadn’t been transported out. I didn’t want to cause a contagion. You guys caused it by gallivanting all around the world.

Corona Drinker

So you think germs don’t kill people, people kill people?

Coronavirus

I didn’t deny reality and provide inadequate testing to people. Your national leaders did that.

Corona Drinker

Interesting take. We have met the enemy, and they are us.